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Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Tragic ending of Flight QZ8501

My heart goes out to all of the families
of those who have parished on  QZ8501
It is a terrible terrible, tragedy
 that's shaking the hearts of everyone
A holiday marked out by so much sadness:
 tears falling  down without any relief
Who can ever console all of these broken ones:
 soothe over all of their grief ?

The flight that went out with their loved ones:
 flew out into the turbulent air
Unready for the tempests that were awaiting it:
 of the storms it was so unaware
In an instant and in the flashing of lightning,
 the  flight QZ8501 went down
And now she and all of her passengers
 are resting quietly on the watery ground.

To the families and friends of the missing;
 to the people who are now tragically sad:
May the angels of all those who have fallen
carry to you some of the messages they had:
Touching you deep inside of your spirits
and speaking to you: that they are, all of them, okay;
Even though the tragedy of this QZ8501 airline
has led them to some dimensions so far away



Your moment to shine

This moment is now the moment for everything else to begin
Don't let it pass you by or escape you for it may not come by again
Make the most of it and do cherish it and anchor it in your heart
This is the moment of all the moments and you mus not let it depart...

The temptation to let it pass you is so enormously so great
But it's not a time to be stalling or the time to hesitate
Embrace it at its fullest and trust it will work out some how
This moment can be the best moment; you need to embrace it right now

Distractions are the destroyers of the opportunities come you way
This isn't the time to be losing it: this is your brand new day
Take it all in and let it become the inspiration of your mind
You'll  always recall this moment: don't let it leave you behind..



Monday, December 29, 2014

Listen to the raindrops...

The raindrops; they are falling: hear them pitter patter?
Soothing and refreshing: these droplets gently splatter
Soaking into the universe and quenching the thirsty trees
Teeny tiny are these raindrops that are riding on the breeze

Every branch-let; every plant-let; every element around
Is sparkling with the diamonds Heaven has scattered round
Shining with the radiance of the Portaled Home Divine
Raindrops are carrying whispers that can make the spirit shine

Count them if you want to or simply watch them fall
These droplets from the Heaven are here for one and all
Smiling with there being-ness and speaking with their splash
Listen to the raindrops and explore their secret stash...



Saturday, December 27, 2014

Guardians of the Heavens

In the early hours of morning, before the break of day
Lots of angels whisper: they have so much to say
Not with words of humans; but with a hum divine
Speaking secret messages into this heart of mine

Inspiring courageous actions, speaking to my heart
Angel beings linger and encourage me as I start
Before the day is waking while all the world's asleep
All these sacred beings, share what they usually keep

To the silent listener, while darkness lingers round
All the angels harmonize and embellish every sound
Lifting up the sleeper and illuminating the room
Guardians of the Heavens help every spirit bloom...




Friday, December 26, 2014

Amber Alert...Tristan

Tiny hands and tiny feet
What's the tragedy you did meet
Little Tristan one two three
The number of years you did see..

Where or where is Tristan now
Please O Lord find him some how
May his soul be in Your peace
And the guilty: truth release

From the Heavens up above
May little Tristan know some love
If he's gone there may he see
All the angels one, two, three

Little Tristan: prayers for you
Hope the angels led you through
All the darkness of that day
Hope they carried you all the way.

No more troubles no more tears
For your,  very numbered years
All the happiness all the glee
May the Heavens have you see...



Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Near the manger filled with straw

Near the manger filled with straw
Humble creatures chewed and gnawed
At the hay bits all around
All but silent was that sound..

Smelly cows and smelly hay
Created the irony of that day
God  Almighty who made us all
Was a Babe in Bethlehem's stall

He who made the Heavens and earth
Bowed beneath a virginal birth
Blessing poverty unto the sky
Poorer then, than you and I ..

Not like reasoning should be made
Of this gifted-ness now displayed
Humble creatures and a pair
Carried the Answer to our despair.



Tuesday, December 23, 2014

God goes where there is room

There wasn't any room for those travelers from out of town
They knocked on every door post but no welcome was ever found
They went outside the village, to a small inkeepers place
He hadn't any room ; but he offered the only available space:

A stable with some hay bundles and some animals all around
The lodging wasn't a five star, their beds were on  the ground
There wasn't any linens or any place to wash and bathe...
The Savior of  = the world was born inside a dusty cave

The parents Mary and Joseph gathered up  the sprinklets of  hay
And pushed them into the manger where the little newborn would lay
It wasn't too long afterwards that the Mother Mary was giving birth
And all of the Heavens were singing of God's presence here on earth..

Isn't it really something how the good God from way up above
Would chosen to show us, His Creature, the enormity of His love?
It wasn't with any great grandiosity or trumpet blasts of any kind
That He chose to show His care for us: it's so baffling to our mind


Sunday, December 21, 2014

In a stable, tiny stable....

In a stable,  tiny stable, little animals everywhere...
Watched a mother, precious mother: lay a Babe with gentlest care
Who's this Baby,  precious Baby ...that they lay Him in the cold?
Where's the blankets; where the bedding?  Here' a story to be told,,,

Stars are dancing, angels singing; but, this Babe: He's doesn't wake
Soundly sleeping soundly resting while His watchful parents gravitate
Round His bundle, round His cradle:  like Some Treasure so Divine
What's their secret, what's their reasoning? All the world will mark this time..

Many a traveler and many a ruler will come to know about This Child
For His history and His message will prompt the curious and the mild
To seek for answers, to seek for reasons: God Almighty in forms of man?
Who can challenge it who explain it ..it's the Christmas mystery and plan


Saturday, December 20, 2014

No place for a child....

This is not about me but another

Glistening diamonds on her cheek
She's so frightened cannot speak
Mom and dad are at it again
This all starts the hurts within

Mom is always the busiest bee
And dad  comes home upset, angry
Both them growl and rarely talk;
Shout and scream..then.take a walk

The saddest thing about this all
Is how this anger began to fall
On little ones with angry slaps
Violent words and swinging straps

Many a home  is just like this
Appearing  so perfect, so full of bliss
But behind the walls so sturdy so strong
Great dysfunction and great great wrong.

What's the remedy and what's the way
To curb the tempers and brighten the day?
Lessen the growling and lessen the fear
Increase the talking and increase the "dear"


Friday, December 19, 2014

Night fall

Silenced the soundings inside of my mind
Quiet the whispers no noise can I find
The spirit is resting the soul is at peace
Gone is the tempter his murmurings decrease

Time for the enlightenment time for some prayer
Solitude and silence are a wonderful pair
Prepared is the spirit for its healing sublime
The poet comes out and she's singing some rhyme

The night time has fallen the earth is at rest
Stars from the Orione are out in their best
Glowing so radiantly and sparkling Divine
All of the astros:  humming a beautiful line

Good night to my readers good night one and all
Let the silence serenade you, the angelic ones call
Everyone is invited into the slumbering sleep
Where guardians are ready to protect you and keep.



Thursday, December 18, 2014

The Light within.......

We're not needing any sermons to tell us how we should be
No sacred books can substitute what's inside of you and me
For we're beloved blessed beings from the moment of our birth
Like the stars we're always shining: little lights upon this earth..

Indeed we would want to gather  with the others of our kind
To find a supportive rally for the fragile-ness of our mind
But nothing can ever put inside us, what's never meant to be
For the caverns inside our spirits accept only commonality.

Beacons for the world and  messengers of God's grace
We shine upon the universe and the whole entire race
Without the need for "have tos","you betters" or something else
We rely upon on our giving and that inner Light that sells...




Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Christmas cards that cut her deep

Tear drops falling from her eyes.
Is it really any surprise?
Christmas cards that cut her deep:
Carrying words that rob her sleep

Should it be so ..should she cry
Pondering over a cruel reply
Is she human or is it fair
All the cruelty she must bear?

What would matter would she speak
To a mother who's  so bleak
Nothing ever proved to be
Enough to please her: can't you see?



Christmas card

It was the worst Christmas card I ever got from my ex-mom. I hate to call her ex-mom but she herself said I was not her daughter in her card to me.. She didn't say dear or sign it ..merely stated that I am not me.. that her daughter had different handwriting and that her daughter disappeared 8 years ago..

I cried awhile about this but afterward picked myself up.. What can I do about it: nothing..  She has always liked to knock me down and make me feel bad..  it's  a carry over from my childhood. I was never good enough for her.

Maybe because how she conceived me? Maybe because really no one really knows who my father is. .She would like to say I disappeared??

Maybe because now I am trying to get courage and speak up for myself. .Maybe because I don't embrace that religion that brainwashes and makes people think being hurt and keeping quiet is saintly? I don't know..

My broken childhood made me easy prey for bullies and abusers.. For too long I believed being quiet when others walked all over me was a "holy thing" . .it's all leftovers from my childhood..

I am learning that it's not okay to let people push me down and lord over me.. I am important and valuable and I do believe in God but I believe in a God who is loving and kind and who wants everyone happy..

I am sorry that I cannot be what she wants me to be. .but I know God loves me. .

Not everyone can "deck the halls...."

During this time when all may celebrate
Many may be struggling and many may be irate
Over the hurts and the memories from many a year
Some may still be healing and feeling some fear

So be sensitive and welcoming in all that you do
Not everyone can be comfortable and happy as you
Some will find festivities and holidays and cheer
To be triggering and painful and toxic: it's clear

So decking the halls with the singing and the glee
May be part of the holidays as everyone can see
But not everyone can do this and  not everyone can be
Happy and joyful because of they're  history....

So let's make it our mission and resolution to see
That everyone we encounter is as comfortable as can be
With sensitivity and carefulness and hearts full of love
Let us reach out to each person with sensitivity from above



Tuesday, December 16, 2014

You'll break me no more...

You broke me once again despite my feeble attempt
I brought you an olive branch and you held me in contempt
Despite the Christmas season and despite this time of love
You responded with words so selfish, saddened the Heavens above

Should I have reached out to you or left you as you were?
The balances were leaning heavily "do not reach out to her"
But despite those inner warnings and the fears I held inside
I broke down all of my defenses and one more time I tried..

But you oh mom wouldn't have it and you took yet another punch
You denied my very existence; gave me indigestion for my lunch
I don't know what religion would excuse it but it isn't the one I know
For the God I know is all loving and now I am letting you go..

Somewhere in all of my readings I read about leaving the place
That wouldn't "welcome or receive you": for it's very dust is a disgrace
So I am shaking off the very last remnants the very particles of over there
And embracing for me another family one that will really really care.

I hand you over to all  the angels and to the spirits of all the just
And pray that you'll find the visions that'll help you to see as you must
You've been so blind and deceitful and so very cruel in what you do
The  majority of all our family don't know what I suffered from you....

I was always the quietest of all sufferers the one holding it all inside
But now I am going to shout it out loudly every thing I was made to hide
No more is the naming of some religion going to push me away in  disgrace
But rather, the name of the Great Father will encourage me in my place.


Monday, December 15, 2014

Visions unseen

Blue is the sky that's waking  me today
Bright is the sun and calm is its way
Something so peaceful, something serene
Is whispering inside me of visions unseen

Playful the creatures all romping around
Nibbling on nuggets, squeaking some sound
Sweet is the streaming the winds and the air
People and places are blessed everywhere.

Beyond all the visibles, everything we see
Is a portion of something we're longing to be
Immortal and infinite and pure Deity
We are all of us God souls and God family.



Sunday, December 14, 2014

Creator of the created all..

All the cosmos up above
Move around with streams of love
Shining down upon a place
Incarnate love and Endless Grace

Humblest creatures of the field
Bow before the Miraculous Yield
Simplest shepherds wildest beasts
Bow and adore: no need for priests..

Silent, the soundings from the skies:
Angelic beings with their replies
To the questions raised up high
All the earth is wondering why

Creator of the created all
Wrapped up as a Babe so small
What's the message? It's so clear..
The Omnipotent Almighty wants us near..





Saturday, December 13, 2014

Is it okay to cry out all of my tears

Is it okay to cry out all of my tears
And tell all the world of my most painful years
Is it okay to heal and to also grieve
Over things I've missed out on and didn't receive.

Sure it's okay and it's so therapeutic too
To let go of those heartaches that are burdening you

Is it okay to be expecting some sort of apology
From those who were hurtful and abusive towards me
Is it really okay  to  seek for and  to  believe
Someone will formulate the words I hoping to receive

It's okay to be hopeful but be realistic and true
If they don't come apologizing: it's no about you..

Is it okay to not be returning back to that place
Where nightmares were happening all over my space
Is it okay  not to be there and would the good God be mad
If I choose not to return there would He think I am bad...?

Our God is all loving and not a monster some have made
Despite all of the opinions He's All  Love and Kindness displayed




I wept and cried my childhood through...

They didn't even give me a chance to be a little child
Their hands were always hurtful and their words were ever wild
I wept and cried my childhood through and when I was finally of age
I ran from the place they called my home and turned another page..

Sometimes I wondered when I was alone if everyone had to hurt
If everyone  born a baby child  felt like they were only dirt
There's something about the way I lived and the way I was made to be
That made me think I wasn't a human and was  some sort of commodity..

I don't think I knew back then the wrongness of  the things I saw..
That being hurt and beat so much wasn't  something unusual at all
Somehow I thought that us littlest ones were born to simply be
Whatever the adults in our lives decided and mine was.. misery..

I'm so glad I know so much better now and can relate to those who've  cried
Beneath the covers or pillow fluffs in attempt to courageously hide
The sounds of fear and helplessness in a home so full of hate
I am here to say I've survived it all and my healing is beginning, but late..



Friday, December 12, 2014

From broken to whole

Oh the brokenness she carried inside her wounded and broken heart
Never could she  understand it: that these things wouldn't ever depart
The memories and all the flashbacks and the most painful times galore
Kept coming back inside to bother her with visions so brutal and sore

She tried so hard to hide them these stressors that would  create
Mountains of untimely distractions that would hinder and aggravate
But the more she tried to hide them the larger they would become
Inside  her secret caverns until finally they would overrun

Into her many actions and throughout the processes of her mind
Till she found it too hard to go forward and was constantly left behind
Because she couldn't bring herself to healing or be opened enough to see
That the releasing of these memories would be the beginning of being free

So she stumbled around with her emotions and with all of her constant fear
Until someone came into her life space and helped her to see things clear
There was an unburdening of her being with that angel and  prudent guide
And now she's  able to open up  to wholeness by the revelation of what's inside


Thursday, December 11, 2014

Beneath the glowing Christmas tree..

What of all these things I see
Beneath the glowing Christmas tree
Things of color, things of cheer
Calling out to all: Draw near

Colorful presents: big and small
Something here for one and all
But there's One I cannot see
Hidden beneath the Christmas tree

A tiny baby,  a child so small
All aglow as Gift for all
Unpretentious but  so great
God is present, don't hesitate....


Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Take time to notice it...

Oh the early morning soundings, do you  hear them as they start:
The birds and all the creatures: how they're singing from the heart?
All  the plants and all the meadows;  all the trees so straight and tall
Are calling out to us with their music, and wanting to share with all

We have only to open up and listen to the breezes and the wind
To appreciate all of their molecules,  the secrets they hold within
But too often we can not be bothered or even take the time to see
The beautiful-ness of creation and all of its intricate  symphony

Every particle and every element, every animal and every plant
Has a booster deep down inside it: able to remove our every  "I can't"
For the mysterious-ness in the created is the remedy for all our "whys"
We have only to take time to notice it, the answer  before our eyes..



Monday, December 8, 2014

Those who are of the Spirit...

Though the dark was very dark it could not extinguish the light
That shone out all around and gave believers their true sight..
Some would speak of the brightness and others would speak of day
But those who were of the Spirit were the ones who knew the way...

The leaders and the follower they were all together  one
Following the bright Eternal and His Only Begotten Son..
Many would try to shake them and many would try to deceive
But those who were led by the Spirit were not fooled by the evil seed...

There's something about their visions and their clarity of mind
That kept them safe from the foolishnes and the way it tries to bind
The hearts and all the spirits up with it's promises all aglow
Those who are of the Spirit though are the ones who always know...



Sunday, December 7, 2014

Twas some weeks before Christmas

Twas some weeks before Christmas and all through the land
People were shopping for product and brand
Pushing and shoving and browsing the store
Chaos and chatter and laughter and more..

Lightings and fixtures and toys yes siree
Something for gramma and baby and me
Tinsels and garlands and colorful balls
"Look at these items", some passerby calls

Buggies and baskets, all  filling up fast
Shelves becoming empty.. this shopping can't last?
But lo at a distance a couple miles down
A truck carrying goodies lets out a loud sound

We know its the items the things for the store
So shelves can be stocked up and filled up once more
Shopping can continue, the dollars can fly
We'll have all our goodies...  our bills multiply

But when its all over and the garland is down
We take a quick gander at the things all around
The buying and the sharing and the moment of glee
Will all become memories like the old Christmas tree

So if it's  about buying and having of stuff
We'll find ourselves empty and not have enough
But if it is about memories and the moments of time
We find ourselves characters in some ole Christmas rhyme..

For  it is more about giving then the getting of things
That this season is celebrated and to everyone clings
In the heart of all creatures and the universe around
Each Christmas is a memory and a tradition  profound...

It started so long ago in a stable so small
It came to us as a Baby in a Bethlehem stall
The giving of something was replacing a Son
Who was given by the Father to each and everyone



Friday, December 5, 2014

The silence and the clock....

I am sitting here in the silence and listening to the  clock
Nothing else is sounding but the voice of it's tick tock
Paced and ever so rhythmic it is keeping a steady time
So that the truly quiet can be moved into some rhyme.

Second after second it is clicking us into grace
Soothing us with its rhythm and its ever predictable pace
Providing us with its stability and the sense of here and now
It is keeping us in its  vision of some measured space somehow..

Without the grasp of moments or the measurement of time
We would become a bit nomadic and our incompletes would climb
Something about the orderliness that is kept up by the clock
Keeps our minds from wandering and our mouths from idle talk...


Wednesday, December 3, 2014

The hardest step in healing

For me, the hardest step to take in my healing was the first step.. It was very hard for me to tell someone else that all my smiling and cheerfulness and giving  hid a lot of things that were eating me away inside like.. childhood memories ..flashbacks of hurts..  feelings of behind misunderstood and abandoned by people who should have been  supportive.. I was the only one who knew about these things because I wanted to appear like everyone else.. ..

It would have gone all and well that way had 2009 not happened.. Had my boss not invited me to NJ and misused his executive powers to hurt and mentally imprison me.. He started out with the appearance of a friend and expressed the same faith ideas and same things I had experienced. .

It was all a line to hook me into a trap that made me afraid of him.. psychologically he had gotten to a place no one had and used it to threaten and control.me.. I won't go into all that story in this  particular post ..but, that was where I realized that my past made me afraid of people who were in power.. my past and  my inability to understand that people don't always show you who they are but rather some actually hide it to bait you into a controlling trap and once they get you there then they abuse you and terrorize you..

I started out an adult survivor of child abuse with ptsd I never knew I had .. i became a victim of a psychopath or of a sociopathic boss.. and am still trying to get out of this scared-ness

I wish someone would have told me it's okay to talk about being beat or molested or hurt when i was little and still be a saint.. I would be so much better today ..but somehow the books that were put into my path and the teachers and priests taught me that suffering in silence was noble. .

Who was it noble for ? The abuser or for me. .Does God really like seeing people suffer in silence.. really? Come on. .? I believed it for so long..  it's the God people instilled in me. .and of course things in the home. .when I was little .. was about suffering and keeping quiet. .lest you get it again..

Feels good to be getting this out. .have you something to get out.. are you a believer that you should keep quiet about the craziness done to you as a child? Why?   Freedom is found in the saying and relaying....

There is a freedom in all of the saying

There is a freedom in all of the saying
Of all of the many things you've been delaying
Open up your heart and start up the relaying
The hurts and the insults inside of you  staying..

Don't be afraid of the countless reactions
Of those who've pulled back  their support interactions
You'll be the stronger in all of their  actions
They were never anything more than temporary distractions

Be bold and be resolute in all of your healing
Health and well being will be inside of this revealing
Layer by layer you'll  be undoing the bad feeling
From traumas and memories so very unappealing.....



Tuesday, December 2, 2014

They never knew .. they were kept in the dark..

 When I think of the coldness with which I am treated by some in the family, I understand it's only ignorance that  makes them act this way.. They know only the story they were told, they don't know the story I knew and lived.. It's sad.. to think that a decade of time could be the blinding spot for so many...

Many would want me to say I had a wonderful childhood but I cannot..I was never allowed it .. I was too busy being the caretaker, the cleaner, the student, the employee and the wounded one.. I didn't have the time or opportunity  to tell much to anyone of what was going on . When I was finally old enough to leave.  I did:  but only to enter into another phase of foolishness..

While I thought moving out was moving into another phase of foolishness, it opened my eyes to see how much brainwashing was done in the faith we were raised in.... So much repetition of concepts over and over and so much emphasis on reciting it all back... ..  Everything led to grooming little ones into perfect obedient adults who were never suppose to question and who saw suffering as sainthood's ticket..

Is it a wonder, then, that I kept silent  throughout all of my earliest trauma and my latest.. I thought it was what God wanted that I be silent and suffer and become a saint in the eyes of the church.. I really believed it that keeping silent about what was happening was getting closer to God..

But now, I know different..it wasn't and didn't bring me closer to God .. it only silenced me and made me a perfect victim for an abuser.. If only I knew that.. I believed everything I was told..  up to the year 2009 . .where another abuser hurt me emotionally, psychologically and mentally

I really lived my faith to the highest degree.. but then things happened and I realized I couldn't escape from where I was because my own beliefs told me that this injustice was something God allowed and wanted.. Somehow I felt the sufferings and unfairness was all a part of becoming a saint ..so I kept silent..

See how it gets ingrained?  Growing up believing sainthood was given to those who suffered in silence and offering all to Jesus only made me so so easy to prey on..  .I didn't understand or realize that. .No one told me my upbringing was making me easy to hurt.. because I wouldn't ever complain or say anything..  

Somehow people have taken the Word of God and mixed up with the word of man and become manipulators of a mass of people..  We now see  in media many coming forward about the silences they kept.. How many more are there who still believe that self harming and silent suffering is the way to heaven?

How could a God who is all loving rejoice in any human being being hurt or beaten or ill? Somehow I think people put a slant on things to get control over the minds of many.. If you are influencing others for the good it will show but when it's not we see a wounded broken world.. people afraid to speak up ..little ones without a voice.. .

 I wish I knew that I could speak up  .. I was too afraid of offending God.. I hope it's okay now because I feel I held it in too long..

Feel free to comment if you are reading and feel need to comment but .. don't be hateful..





A winter wandering...

Crisp and cool the breezes blowing
Frosty forms of ice over flowing
From the clouds the crystal formations
Create  the sounds and acclamations.

Swirling signs and mystic voices
Singing songs and making noises:
Winter weather and warmer choices
Festive Holiday: the world rejoices..

Scampering creatures and silent elements
Frozen still beneath the settlements
Frosted flakes with greatest eloquence
Speaking words of Divine Intelligence.

Now an  echoing of the unspoken
Is breaking through but sill unbroken
By the winds or coldest notion
Spirits embrace with one emotion...